LOST IN SPACE-The Space Vikings: How I Learned to Relax and Enjoy... plus the 1990s review (scathing)

How I Learned to Stop Fretting and Love The Space Vikings


I guess time and place do matter when it comes to how one enjoys TV and movies and perhaps, even books. Without fretting over how LIS was not as good as its own premise or how it changed over a short period of time, I continued on through my viewing of the blu rays. I must say Mutiny In Space now holds the record for worst episode and has been lowered by the lowest of the low previously, the Space Vikings.

I actually took it on its own level and enjoyed it. Harris gives one of his best performances and indeed, ALL of Smith's tactics and sayings are in this one 53 minute episode. If you don't like this episode (and for a long time, I didn't), I understand believe me but you will probably never appreciate Dr. Smith then. Okay, I've said it before and I'll say it again, having Smith act silly and camp is fine but having the aliens AND Smith act silly is just a bit too much and I could have done without the TOO HO HO-ing...please. Other than that, there are some laugh out loud moments to this and the whole Smith/Robot/Will thing keeps this from being as bad as Mutiny In Space, where it just didn't work. I think part of my frustration with this episode is that Valhalla, Valkeryies, Niffelheim, elves, and Thor and Odin are such BIG ideas that to be handled in this fashion is a HUGE let down.

However, again, it's quite entertaining taken on its own right.

Smith proves he has some powers of intellect and cunning, making Thor a mess. He also, at one brief point, seems to be able to hypnotize Thor into a wide eyed comatose state! Bill has a red mark on his left nostril for half the episode..at least until he meets up with Thor and his "attack" on Thor is both funny and cute. The timing of some scenes is...strange. Will and Penny seem to take forever to get back the Jupiter 2 after leaving Smith and just before he throws the hammer, accidentally, at the Jupiter 2. Similarly, Will goes off from John, who tells him he will be right along. John seems to take a very long time to follow...just to see Thor take Will along. The plot makes more sense than both Questing Beast and Mutiny but who cares at his point, right?

Some of this is very funny. A lot seems worthy of the masters Abbott and Costello (the dried dragonfly moments and the music accompanying it; the squeezing water out of a stone gag, the walking away from Thor in a different direction, The Robot's reactions as he is covered in furs, and Harris' delivery).

I'm sure the whole Scat, Shoo, Scat-Shoo thing was done by Harris at least twice before, maybe more (not sure which episodes but maybe one of those with Athena/Lorelai).
All in all, Space Vikings will never be my favorite episode but it's certainly ---now--- not my least favorite. That mantle now goes to Mutiny In Space.



My original review from the 1990s: (Scathing):

THE SPACE VIKINGS-THE ultimate WORST and EMBARRASSING episode

WRITER-Margaret Brookman Hill--proving women have equality to write      just as bad scripts as men---but this is worse than any man      wrote for LOST IN SPACE !!!

DIR-Ezra Stone

 

NARRATION: Last week, as you recall, we left our space pioneers rehearsing a play, unaware that their harmless words were now summoning the ancient Norse gods from the void of space...

 

TEASER-not fully recapped, almost though--missing dialogue at the very opening of the scene as Smith talks; also missing is Penny's line about Smith writing all the speeches for himself; and later, Smith bragging why he should be Odin...

 

Will, Penny, and Smith rehearse a play. Penny stands on a rock and announces, "I am Freya,"  blah, blah, blah. Smith criticizes Penny's speech, spraining his neck, "Oh dear."  Penny talks of the spring, clouds, birds. Penny gets down, only having four lines is bothering her. She wants to be Odin. Smith tells her Odin is a male. Will says, "Yeah, I'm going to be Odin!"  Smith tells them to stop quibbling, "The play's the thing."  They start again but lightning and wind hit, along with blowing leaves. Will says, "We better get back to the Jupiter, Dr. Smith, that looks like a cosmic storm!"  Smith thinks, at first, it is a storm he wrote into the act. Will runs a bit, holding onto Penny's arm and dragging her, then laughs when he turns back to Smith, "Maybe Odin's trying to prove that you're all wet."  He laughs. Smith calls him a young upstart, telling them that he is more than a match for Odin and the other mythological gods. Will pulls Penny off, calling Smith to follow. Smith falls to his knees, thinking the "gods" were offended by what he said. He sees a pair of grey-silver gloves come tumbling out of the sky at him. Will turns back, and then pulls Penny by the arm (again) back. The gloves appear on Smith's hands and start pulling him apart--he claims. He can't take them off--he also claims. The gloves sizzle and crackle and spark! Smith is screaming. Will gets the gloves off by pulling them, Penny pulls Will from behind. Smith tells them the gloves came out of the sky but the pair of them didn't see that. Smith calls it the Wrath of the gods but can't recall which celebrated god used these gloves. Penny worries about Smith's sanity, "I don't want to wear any costumes that could cause a cosmic storm."  They don't think they should do any plays about myths any more. Penny started to say she thought Smith...then changed it to say...all three of them are taking this a bit too seriously. Smith is hurt that the two people who are his true friends in all the world would question his word. Will puts the gloves on and Smith screams. Will wonders if it was static electricity. Smith cons them to go back to camp. Will says, "You're not gonna fool around with those gloves, are you?"  NOTE: Doesn't he know better by now that is exactly what Smith is going to do!!!!?? Smith tells them to go. Will says, "C'mon Penny, he's in one of his moods."  Smith repeat, "Go."  Smith sees Nordic ruins on the gloves and wonders how those come to be here--the writing of the ancient Norse Vikings. Odin was just a myth, Smith considers if the gods came from...he puts the gloves on. Lightning occurs and a gold hammer comes out of the sky, spiraling at him. Smith screams, "Get away!" 

 

ACT ONE

Norse music. The hammer appears in Smith's hand. Smith asks it to guide him to the richest treasures in all of space and to take him back to Earth. Figuring it is useless, he throws it. It crashes between the Jupiter and a table outside. A blast knocks over the table, floors Penny and Will to the ground behind some rocks with lots of debris, and shakes the spaceship. John and Maureen are in the Control Room, shaking as the blast rises up in front of the window. They run out with Judy and Don to greet a running Will and Penny. Penny says, "Dr. Smith was attacked."  Will adds, "By gloves out of the sky!"  Smith gasps, "What have I done!"  He screams as the hammer reappears in his hand. Later, Maureen calls Will and Penny out for lunch. Don wonders if the blast wasn't some kind of caliber shell. John doesn't think there was any indication of an alien approach but they will check. Judy asks about Dr. Smith. Don figures he ran for his life when the Jupiter II started shaking but doesn't worry--Smith won't miss a meal. Smith comes back and sits to eat, asking what, "Earth tremor? What Earth tremor?"  He fakes that he wished he were here to help all hands in peril. Don says, "Why don't you just eat, Smith?"  Maureen asks about the gloves that Will and Penny mentioned. Smith bluffs his way out of it. John wants Smith to take the Robot and check out the perimeter of the Jupiter II. He takes lots of food for his dinner as the Robot holds the tray. After he leaves, Don and Maureen comment at least he left them a little. Section 6 of Perimeter Defense secure, Robot says. Smith is glad the Robot has his electronic synthesizer unit, a simulator for vital components. Robot tells this to Smith who says, "That's an exciting bit of news."  Smith threatens to pull the Robot's power pack out if he doesn't use it for the gloves, calling him a pusillanimous pinhead. Robot reproduces the gloves.

 

As Robot does, Smith says, "Every time I come upon a really wondrous device, some sneaky alien comes along and takes it away from me but this time, I shall be prepared." 

 

Smith takes the gloves out ("Oh joy, oh bliss") and hides them under a rock. He will soon have the greatest treasures of the entire universe and then have a triumphant return to Earth. NOTE: I cannot understand why he thinks this when he already tried to use the hammer and gloves to do both and failed. ALSO NOTE Smith's makeup looks a bit more nefarious again--sort of like he looked in the early episodes--the eyebrows are arched a bit more than usual. Will comes and asks questions. Smith lies. Will is told to search Smith's quarters for the gloves. Will goes, leaving Smith to say, "I dislike prying people."  He tells Robot if anyone asks, the hammer and gloves belong to the Robot, even though Robot claims a cybernetic servo mechanism does not wear gloves. Robot yells, "Danger! Danger!"  A black furry monster with long ears sticking up (not unlike the Bloop's ears) and a beard and moustache, comes out from some nearby rocks. It raises its arms but Smith screams and throws the hammer at it. It blows up and the hammer reappears in Smith's hands. Smith screams. Robot warns, "Warning! Warning! Alien approaching!"  A blond lady on a winged horse arrives, with a sparking spear, a helmet with wings, and armor on. She is singing Ta Hoo Ta Hoo!

 

NOTE: LOST IN SPACE has hit a new low, the lowest it will sink but beware of ROCKET TO EARTH, TREASURE OF THE LOST PLANET, and yes, THE GREAT VEGETABLE REBELLION. These are the worst of LOST IN SPACE yet to come. THE SPACE VIKINGS is hardly watchable.

 

ACT TWO      

Lady Brynhilda sees Smith passed out in the Robot's arms and thinks he is dead. Robot tells her negative--and as for Smith being a hero--double negative. Brynhilda can make dead heroes return to life again. Robot uses a method to return Smith to consciousness--calling, "It is time to eat."  Smith awakens. Brynhilda is a Valkeryie who has come for the hammer of Thor. This is the first time it has left Thor and she claims whoever possesses the hammer rules all. Robot claims it was he who found the legendary hammer, he who threw it towards the Jupiter II, and he who...Smith stops him, calling him a bumbling bag of bolts (and earlier a clumsy clod when Byrnhilda pushed the Robot into Smith). At first, she thought the Robot was a warrior under armor. Smith tells her it is "a mere mechanical structure--it does my bidding."  She thinks it was the Robot who found the hammer and gloves. She claims it will be decided in Valhalla. Singing she mounts her horse (a model of a horse which doesn't move!!!). Smith tries to get her to take him on a trip to Earth, taking the food into his hands, "Waste not want not, mother always told me."  Brynhilda makes the Robot appear on the horse's tail and Smith on the horse behind her. Smith seems reluctant to put his arms around her but does as she blasts off, mentioning the Icy Dragon Flats or flat lands or something of Niffelheim. Will sees them blast off and runs to John, calling, "Dad! Dr. Smith just disappeared on a flying horse! It's true! The horse had wings!"  Maureen and John are at the drill site, wondering what he is talking about. John says, "First it was Penny and what, her magic gloves out of the sky..."  Maureen tells John he really should have a talk with Dr. Smith--the man is subverting the kid's minds with this mythology business. John says he will but lets Will go back to find evidence to prove what he told them. Maureen says, "Oh John."  NOTE: Both parents, after seeing and encountering space admirals, space circuses, a green girl and man who breath in space, and other mishaps, can't believe in a flying horse!!!! It should be Will who doesn't believe them! WHAT IDIOTS! Obviously the same nonsense happened on VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA, where each member of the crew disbelieves other members and even their own eyes about ghosts, monsters, werewolves, etc when in the past they encountered underwater space spiders, mermen, phantoms, other werewolves, etc. Continuity should have been better maintained. "Okay, I can believe a flying horse."  "A ghost of an pirate who looks just like me? That's like when the phantom took over Lee."  But one of the only times this happened on LOST IN SPACE, was when John said, during the tepid THE MECHANICAL MEN, "From now on, I believe anything,"  and Don added, "I know what you mean."  Occasionally on VOYAGE, they didn't react startled, more toward the end of the show as in ATTACK and FLAMING ICE and even SAVAGE JUNGLE. Smith is in an ancient Viking skins or some kind of tunic, sitting at a long table eating meat with Brynhilda. Behind them is a stuffed polar bear. Byrnhilda chases away an old...and very small hound that tries to eat off Smith's meat from his hand. Byrnhilda sings and Smith tries to ToHo but breaks into a dry laugh. THIS IS EMBARRASSING. He eats some small delicacy and then asks her what it is. In the one truly funny moment of this crap, she answers, "Dried dragonflies," and the face on Smith, combined with the drop off type music just after a quiet moment, is funny. Smith throws it when she isn't looking. He mentions a trip to Earth. She knows of it--she was there a few thousand years ago (claiming "we" were there--presumably the other "gods" or aliens). "You wouldn't want to go there,"  she says. Smith mentions jewels; she mentions Trolls. Jewels are in Niffelheim but when Smith mentions he wants to go there, she tells him only fools venture there. She mentions Thor who is still about, charioteering across space. She is now aware Thor's hammer and gloves went to Smith, not the mechanical being. Thor must do battle with Smith. The cold breath of the frost giants blows outside the cave they are in (the doorway being the keyhole arch from A VISIT TO HADES) and the scream the frost giants make the scream used in THE TOYMAKER and which will be used for Uncle Angus (to better effect) in THE ASTRAL TRAVELER. Smith once more implores that he should leave for Earth. Byrnhilda must summon the warriors and sings. Thor arrives and sings. EMBARRASSING. Smith gathers meat and tells Robot to move it, "Proceed! Proceed!"  He and Robot go into a room of skins. Smith has one glove and it won't work for him, "Hammer come."  Robot says, "It was I who..."  Smith calls him a bubble headed booby. Robot says, "Nothing computers."  Byrnhilda laughs at Thor, mentioning Asgard and Yoggheim or some such thing. Thor looks for Smith and goes into the Guest Heroes Chamber. Robot is under skins. Smith hides by a stuffed tiger rug. We hear the nose wiggle music from THE GIRL FROM THE GREEN DIMENSION. Thor says, "I've got you under my skin,"  which is supposed to be funny, a pun on the song that was popular then. It is not funny and the song is no longer popular. Smith forgot his name for a moment but Thor tells him a name oughta roar like Thor. After Thor walks out, Smith chastities Robot, whose bubble moves up under the skins. Smith lets Thor go out of the cave first and then when Smith moves out, he tries to move the other way. Thor screams for him and he runs after Thor. Smith and Thor walk to a blue hold in the ground.

 

NOTE: If this is Valhalla, it sure is a dead ringer for the planet the Robinsons are on. It looks exactly the same. The blue mountains in the back, the same trees, etc. This is just one more failure of this episode to provide good entertainment. It is also cheap. It isn't even redressed to look like another planet or another dimension or anything. Better is the pit Smith is thrown in by Thor. Smith asks to be Thor's valet amid THE TIME TUNNEL-RENDEZVOUS WITH YESTERDAY goofy French boy music. From the blue hole comes smoke, a place Thor says is of darkness and cold filled with nyminohs, elves, trolls, dragon's dire. He pushes Smith, whom he calls Smitty, down the pit. Thor sings. Smith is in a cold cavern. Snow and ice are on the ground and there are icicles dripping down as well as ice rocks meeting them. Smoke blows on him. He falls on his face.

 

ACT THREE         

Snith hears laughing in the cold place he is in. Two elves with red hair, green caps, and golden tunics with green belts come to him (golden tunics are probably left over from THE DREAM MONSTER's two midget helpers), and repeat what he says, "Scat, shoo."  Smith screams. A blast of cold hits him and he passes out. Will finds the gloves under a rock and one that Smith dropped just before the immobile flying horse left. Will puts one glove on. Thor TaHos and sings but Will hides the gloves just before Thor blasts in on the horse. He shows Will the evil eye, thinking Will is an alien elf, the pointer and pinky fingers out. It is supposed to make Will disappear. Thor figures it will not work on an alien elf. Will, he thinks, is elf to Smitty. Will asks, "Dr. Smith? Where is he!?! What've you done to him!!"  Will puts the evil eye on Thor and looks proudly at his own fingers. Thor tells him Smitty is entertained by dear close friends of his. John, with a laser pistol belted around him, looks for Will. Thor will take Will to Smitty if Will gets his gloves. Will does. Telling Will that his own elves will take care of Will, Thor sees Will trip, "Whoopsey Daisy there little elf. Take one giant step."  John sees Thor singing on his horse, Will behind Thor, and the horse blasting away. Dad must feel real stupid. Will cascades down the chute to Smith and snow. Smith tells him that demons, ugly vile creatures, dragons, and great wealth are here. Elves return. Will says, "Scat, shoo."  They repeat him. A VISIT TO HADES music plays. The elves do a good job of imitating Will but the boy gets the upper hand when he waves the gloves at them in a circle, "GET OUTTA HERE!"  The elves run off; Smith says to Will, "I taught you well,"  having to always get the credit. When Smith asks Will if those were elves, Will says, "I'm sure."  Thor tells them, up above, that this proves Will has some human in him after all. He wants them to come up now. Will tells Thor that, "Dr. Smith doesn't believe in fisticuffs."   Smith repeats in dry tones, "Fisticuffs."  Thor asks, "Fisti...what?"  "Uh, cuffs,"  Smith repeats. Thor says, "I'm gonna slay you dead."  A dragon face from THE QUESTING BEAST come out of the corner of the set, ruining any ambience it had. It roars monstrously, not matching the visual. Smith and Will run, speeded up on film, as in a slapstick comedy and not a good one at that. They run up the shoot as it blows smoke from its mouth or nose. Awful.

 

ACT FOUR

Robot helps Smith practice sword fighting but tells Will he cannot continue--he programming refuses to allow him to do anything that might harm humans. Smith wears a cape and Viking helmet over his skins and usual outfit. Will is sitting on the table but goes out of the dave to Brynhilda. Robot tells Smith he must use what he is best at: cunning and chicanery. "Convince Thor he is helpless without the gloves and hammer,"  Robot suggests. Smith tells Robot to put away the sword, "An instrument of the devil."  Will tells Brynhilda she must stop the fight between Mister Thor and Dr. Smith. She wonders what Will is--dragon dire, elf, troll. Will says, "I'm a boy."  Bynhilda must do so much: she takes all the left over dead warriors and their parts--left over after the battle games---and puts them back together. Thor may want Will as a pet. Smith wears his own LOST IN SPACE outfit again. He asks for two rock like sponges from the Robot's synthesizer. Behind in the set is a ram's head. Smith fools Thor--he squeezes water out of the sponge and Thor thinks it is a rock, stupidly turning away so that gives Smith time to replace a sponge with a real, stone hard rock. When Thor tries to do it, he cannot squeeze water out. Smith squirts water in Thor's face. Thor at first, thinks Smith is going to be a bigger challenge than he first thought. Smith cons Thor some more and then challenges Thor to an arm wrestle but cons Thor even more: issuing up self doubt, insecurities, and repressions and other problems. Smith seems to be hypnotizing Thor. Will and Byrnhilda continue to talk in another area. Thor, she says, is going through a difficult phase--she knows his courage is not from the hammer and gloves and he knew it. She has to find challenges for him to keep him a sharp hero. He must be ready to fight the frost giants. She asks about boys. Will tells her they usually have to grow up to be men. She says, "Oh, what a pity."  From her memory, she recalls boys like to play and pretend. Just as a potentially good scene starts with some tenderness and warmth, Brynhilda screams out, "THEN WELCOME!"  At the same time, she hugs Will close to her. Thor is on a couch, his horned (VIKINGS DID NOT WEAR HORNS!!!! MAYBE THOR DID IN SHOWS LIKE THIS OR IN PAINTINGS BUT VIKINGS DID NOT!!) helmet off. Smith is telling him he is not a great warrior and it was all lies about him being one. He says he stems from his unhappy childhood. Thor cries, it must be but he didn't have any childhood. Smith cons him some more--if they fake that Thor beats Smith, Smith will only want some rich trinkets and  be sent home (Earth? The planet?). Smith tells Thor he is incapable of squashing a dragonfly, while putting one in Thor's mouth. Robot warns, "Warning! Warning! Alien approaching!"  A voice on a speaker calls that the giants of Gatroude, Veramir, Vothorn are attacking. The frost giants! Smith gasps, "Protect us!"  Byrnhilda comes in and to-hoes, ready to fight the giants. Will finds out what Smith has done to Thor. Smith lies, stating Thor has had some kind of seizure. Will says, "We'll all be killed!"  Smith gasps,  "GIANTS! The end is near!"  Will wonders exactly what Smith said to Thor and exactly what he's been saying to him. Thor tells Will. Will throws up his hands, "Now you've done it! You've really done it!"  Byrnhilda goes outside to battle but shakes back in--the frost giants do it. Smith and Will help Thor, who springs to Brynhilda's defense, try to ascertain which gloves are the real ones. Thor goes without the gloves. Will calls, "Dr. Smith--look!"  Giant sandaled feet pass the opening of the cave--the sandal ties go up the legs of the giants. Thor throws his hammer and there is a blast. Rocks fall. Smith falls but Will helps him, "You alright? He did it!"  Will tells Smith that Thor didn't even have the gloves on. The worst aliens in LOST IN SPACE and probably any non-Japanese oriented TV series, TaHo together. Will and Smith yell a song out too, "TaHoo, YaaaHooo,"  and hug each other. Later, Bynhilda tells Will that her homing horse is on a star phase. They are near the blue hole. The horse's name is Flightfear or something. Smith is in the cave, looking at the treasure in a chest that he wants. Smith yells, "Wait for me!"  There is a blast and Robot, Will, and Brynhilda vanish, leaving Smith. Smith says, "Oh dear,"  and goes back to his chest. Will calls Mom. Mom calls John in the control room and the rest of the family run outside the ship. The spiked plant that is usually outside the entrance appears to have moved across to the other side of the ramp. Maureen tells Will they were so worried. YEAH RIGHT. SAVE IT DOPEY. You didn't even believe the kids. Smith appears with the chest under him. When he realizes the chest is under him, he is ashamed at what he was thinking of those delightful creatures. Inside the chest are dried dragonflies. Smith says, "Oh the pain, the pain."  All laugh. I didn't. NOTE: Billy Mumy is wearing some kind of chain on his hip in this last scene.

 

CLIFFHANGER: Penny pitches to Smith up at bat while Will is the catcher, "Atta girl Penny, right down the old pike."  Robot is ump, Play ball."  Smith questions Robot's decision. Smith claims he is Joe Dimaggio, Ted Williams, and Babe Ruth all rolled into one. Will says, "Hah!"  Robot calls, "Strike"  to which Smith protests. Robot threatens to eject him from the game. Smith calls him a monstrous mechanized misguided moron. Robot says, "Out!"  Smith takes his ball, his glove, and his bat (HIS? WHAT DID HE DO--KEEP THEM IN HIS POCKET WHEN HE STOWED AWAY or did he make these while LOST IN SPACE--remember that is the premise--LOST IN SPACE) and will return to the spaceship. Will and Penny talk him into staying. Will asks Smith to show him the throw (the dippsy doodle) he taught Sandy Cofax (a pitcher of the one time-NEW YORK Dodgers baseball team and whom my mother actually saw play several times). Smith calls Robot an astigmatic automaton. Penny, Smith, and Will move the gloves and ball about among the three of them. Smith pitches, using the evil eye (left over from THOR?). He will use a trick Satchel Page taught him (Satchel Page was a black player who struggled up at the same time as Jackie Robinson and came up just after--Page played on the Cleveland Indians and was in his 40s by the time he came up). Smith drops the ball. He pitches. Penny hits it and runs. Smith moves back to catch the ball. Before he can, a sorcerer appears and catches the ball!

 

TO BE CONTINUED NEXT WEEK, SAME TIME SAME CHANNEL-white lettering

 

REVIEW: PFFFTTT! YUCK! TOTAL GARBAGE! From the greatest myths ever told--a spawning of creation, destruction, rebirth, power, downfalls, plotting, and intricacies of plot and machinations...comes this garbage. The actor playing Thor was terrible as a Thor. He was a buffoon, not really menacing. Then Will chastises Smith for making Thor a baby child who can't really stick up for himself. Finally, I thought, Smith did something of value--defended himself against an enemy with his own means...and Will yells at him for it. Valhalla looked nothing like it should...it looked like another cave and the Robinson's planet. The only set that was okay was the ice pit but that was totally ruined by the silly elves and dumb looking dragon head sticking into the set. Maureen, John, Judy, and Don have less to do than usual...if that can be believed. Also--Mom and Dad are clueless about life in space...at least LOST IN SPACE life. "Oh come on, now, Will, a flying horse?"  "Gloves out of the sky, Penny, can't be!"  What dopes. Haven't they learned. The action was nill. The threat of the frost giants was the only interesting thing and it is so badly handled...Thor threw his hammer and did what? Knock all the giants down? Kill them all? Why didn't he do that before this? Perhaps I should stop about this episode---it is a total waste of time and not worth watching even once. Skip it if you can. Perhaps I am a bit too critical about this and other second season episodes but that is not because I hate the show but because I like the concept and characters so much, I hate to see it so mishandled and misguided with such bad scripts and bad direction. THE SPACE VIKINGS is the worst episode of LOST IN SPACE but that may have to be revised when watching the next piece of trash called ROCKET TO EARTH...